How to Annoy Your Roommate


1. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class.
2. Twitch a lot.
3. Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep.
4. Steal a fish tank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk tothem.
5. Become a subgenius.
6. Inject his/her twinkies with a mixture of Dexatrim and MSG.
7. Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out ofyour seat. Whens/he turns to look, fall back down and grin.
8. Speak in tongues.
9. Move you roommate's personal effects around. Start subtlely. Graduallywork up to bigthings, and eventually glue everything s/he owns to the ceiling.
10. Walk and talk backwards.
11. Spend all your money on Jolt Cola. Drink it all. Stack the cans in themiddle of yourroom. Number them.
12. Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If yourroommate saysanything, tell him/her with a straight face, "They're more than meets theeye."
13. Recite entire movie scripts (e.g. "The Road Warrior," "Repo Man,"Casablanca,")almost inaudibly.
14. Kill roaches with a monkey wrench while playing Wagnerian arias on akazoo. If yourroommate complains, explain that it is for your performance art class (orhit him/her withthe wrench).
15. Chain yourself to your roommate's bed. Get him/her to bring you food.
16. Get a computer. Leave it on when you are not using it. Turn it off whenyou are.
17. Ask your roommate if your family can move in "just for a couple ofweeks."
18. Fake a heart attack. When your roommate gets the paramedics to come,pretendnothing happened.
19. Eat glass.
20. Smoke ball-point pens.
21. Smile. All the time.
22. Burn all your waste paper while eyeing your roommate suspiciously.
23. Hide a bunch of potato chips and Ho Hos in the bottom of a trash can.When you gethungry, root around in the trash. Find the food, and eat it. If yourroommate empties thetrash before you get hungry, demand that s/he reimburse you.
24. Leave a declaration of war on your roommate's desk. Include a list ofgrievances.
25. Shoot rubber bands at your roommate while his/her back is turned, andthen look awayquickly.
26. Dye all your underwear lime green.
27. Buy three loaves of stale bread. Grow mold in the closet.
28. Hide your underwear and socks in your roommate's closet. Accuse him/herof stealingit.
29. Remove your door. Ship it to your roommate's parents (postage due).
30. Whenever your roommate walks in, wait one minute and then stand up.Announce thatyou are going to take a shower. Do so. Keep this up for three weeks.
31. Array thirteen toothbrushes of different colors on your dresser. Refuseto discussthem.
32. Paint your half of the room black. Or paisley.
33. Whenever he/she is about to fall asleep, ask questions that start with"Didja everwonder why...." Be creative.
34. Shave one eyebrow.
35. Put your mattress underneath your bed. Sleep down under there and pileyour dirtyclothes on the empty bedframe. If your roommate comments, mutter "Gotta savespace,"twenty times while twitching violently.
36. Put horseradish in your shoes.
37. Shelve all your books with the spines facing the wall. Complain loudlythat you cannever find the book that you want.
38. Always flush the toilet three times.
39. Subsist entirely on pickles for a week. Vomit often.
40. Buy a copy of Frankie Yankovic's "Pennsylvania Polka," and play it atleast 6 hours aday. If your roommate complains, explain that it's an assignment for yourprimitivecultures class.
41. Give him/her an allowance.
42. Listen to radio static.
43. Open your window shades before you go to sleep each night. Close them assoon asyou wake up.
44. Cry a lot.
45. Send secret admirer notes on your roommate's Email.
46. Clip your fingernails and toenails and keep them in a baggie. Leave thebaggie nearyour computer and snack from it while studying. If he/she walks by, grab thebag close andeye him/her suspiciously.
47. Paste used kleenexes to his/her walls.
48. Whenever your roomate comes in from the shower, lower your eyes andgiggle toyourself.
49. If you get in before your roomate, go to sleep in his/her bed.
50. Whenever you go to sleep, start jumping on your bed. Do so for a while,then jumpreally high and act like you hit your head on the ceiling. Crumple onto yourbed and fakelike you were knocked out. Use this method to fall asleep every night for amon th.
51. If your roommate goes away for a weekend, change the locks.
52. Whenever his/her parents call and ask for your roommate, breathe intothe phone for 5seconds then hang up.
53. Whenever he/she goes to shower, drop whatever you're doing, grab atowel, and goshower too.
54. Find out your roommate's post office box code. Open it and take his/hermail. Do thisfor one month. After that, send the mail to him/her by UPS.
55. Collect all of your pencil shavings and sprinkle them on the floor.
56. Create an imaginary cat for a pet. Talk to it every night, act likeyou're holding it, keepa litter box under your desk. After two weeks, say that your cat is missing.Put up signs inyour dorm, blame your roommate.
57. Call safety & security whenever your roommate turns up his/her music.
58. Follow him/her around on weekends.
59. Sit on the floor and talk to the wall.
60. Whenever the phone rings, get up and answer the door.
61. Whenever someone knocks, answer the phone.
62. Whenever your roommate is walking through the room, bump into him/her.
63. Stare at your roommate for five minutes out of every hour. Don't sayanything, juststare.
64. Tell your roommate that someone called and said that it was reallyimportant but youcan't remember who it was.
65. Let mice loose in his/her room.
66. Give each of your walls a different name. Whenever you can't answer aproblem, askeach of your walls. Write down their responses, then ask your ceiling forthe final answer.Complain to your roommate that you don't trust your ceiling.
67. Take your roommate's papers and hand them in as your own.
68. Skip to the bathroom.
69. Take all of your roommate's furniture and build a fort. Guard the fortfor an entireweekend.
70. Gather up a garbage bag full of leaves and throw them in a pile inhis/her room. Jumpin them. Comment about the beautiful foiliage.
71. When you walk into your room, turn off your lights. Turn them on whenyou leave.
72. Whenever you're on the phone and he/she walks in, hang up immediatelywithoutsaying anything and crawl under your desk. Sit there for two minutes thancall whoever itwas back.
73. Insist on writing the entire lyrics to American Pie on your ceilingabove your bed. Singthem every night before you go to bed.
74. Burn incense.
75. Eat moths.
76. Buy Sea Monkeys and grow them. Name one after your roommate. Announcethe nextday that that one died. Name another one after your roommate. The next daysay that itdied. Keep this up until they all die.
77. Collect Chia-Pets.
78. Refuse to communicate in anything but sign language.
79. Eat a bag of marshmellows before you go to bed. The next day, spraythree bottles ofwhip cream all over your floor. Say you got sick.
80. Wipe deoderant all over your roommate's walls.
81. If you know that he/she is in the room, come barging in out of breath.Ask if they saw afat bald naked Tibetan man run through carrying a hundred dollar bill. Runback outswearing.
82. Leave apple cores on his/her bed.
83. Don't ever flush.
84. Hang stuffed animals with nooses from your ceiling. Whenever you walk bythemmutter, "You shouldn't have done that to me."
85. Lick him/her while they are asleep.
86. Dress in drag.
87. Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eatsmeat. Thenleave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding yourstomach everytimeyour roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you knownothing aboutthem.
88. Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommate's head while he/she isasleep. Keepa pair of scissors by your bed. Snicker at your roommate every morning.
89. Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray!You're back!" as loud asyou canand dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at yourwatch andsaying, "Shouldn't you be going somewhere?"
90. Trash the room when your roommate's not around. Then leave and wait foryourroommate to come back. When he/she does, walk in and act surprised. Say,"Uh-oh, itlooks like, THEY, were here again."
91. Every time you see your roommate yell, "You son of a..." and kickhim/her in thestomach. Then buy him/her some ice cream.
92. Set your roommate's bed on fire. Apologize and explain that you've beenwatching toomuch "Beavis & Butthead." Do it again. Tell him/her that you're not sorrybecause thistime, they deserved it.
93. Put your glasses on before you go to bed. Take them off as soon as youwake up. Ifyour roommate asks, explain that they are Magic Dream Glasses. Complain thatyou'vebeen having terrible nightmares.
94. Eat lots of "Lucky Charms." Pick out all the yellow moons and stockpilethem in thecloset. If your roommate inquires, explain that visitors are coming, but youcan't sayanything more, or you'll have to face the consequences.
95. Set up meetings with your roommate's faculty advisor. Inquire abouthis/her academicpotential. Take lots of notes, and then give your roommate a full report.Insist that he/shedo the same.
96. "Drink" a raw egg for breakfast every morning. Explain that you are intraining. Eat adozen donuts every night.
97. Every Thursday, pack up everything you own and tell your roommate you'regoinghome. Come back in an hour and explain that no one was home. Unpackeverything and goto sleep.
98. Every time you wake up, start yelling, "Oh, no! Where am I?!" and runaround theroom for a few minutes. Then go back to bed. If your roommate asks, say youdon't knowwhat he/she is talking about.
99. Draw a tiny, black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look atit and say,"It's spreading, it's spreading."
100. Buy a McDonald's "Happy Meal" for lunch every day. Eat the straw andthe napkin.Throw everything else away.
101. Buy a plant. Sleep with it at night. Talk to it. After a few weeks,start to argue with itloudly. Then yell, "I can't live in the same room with you," storm out ofthe room and slamthe door. Get rid of the plant, but keep the pot. Refuse to discuss theplant ever again.
102. Buy a Jack-In-The-Box. Every day, turn the handle until the clown popsout. Screamcontinuously for twenty minutes.
103. Hang up pictures of chickens all over the room. If your roommate eatseggs, yell athim/her and call him/her a cannibal.
104. Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, lookat yourroommate and mutter, "Soon, soon...."
105. Lock the door while your roommate is out. When he/she comes back andtries tounlock it, yell, "Don't come in, I'm naked!" Keep this up for several hours.When youfinally let your roommate in, immediately take off all of your clothes, andignore yourroommate.
106. Bring in potential "new" roommates from around campus. Give them toursof theroom and the building. Have them ask about your roommate in front ofhim/her, and reply,"Oh, him/her? He/she won't be here much longer."
107. If your roommate comes home after midnight, hit him/her on the headwith a rollingpin. Immediately go to bed, muttering, "Ungrateful little..."
108. Pile dirty dishes in your roommate's bed. Insist that you don't knowhow they gotthere.
109. Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keepone pencil onthe other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.
110. Feign a serious illness for two weeks. Have a priest come to your roomand visit you.Write out a will, leaving everything to your roommate. One day, miraculously"recover."Insist that your roommate write out a will, leaving everything to you. Everytime he/shecoughs, excitedly say, "Oooh, are you dying?"
111. Keep a tarantula in a jar for three days. Then get rid of thetarantula. If yourroommate asks, say, "Oh, he's around here, somewhere."
112. Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Thenpretend to faint.When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on,say, "Oh,yeah, I remember!" Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.
113. Bowl inside the room. Set up tournaments with other people in thebuilding. Awardsomeone a trophy. If your roommate wants to bowl too, explain that he/sheneeds bowlingshoes.
114. Walk backwards all the time. Then pretend to trip and hurt yourself.Fake an injuryand go through a long, painful recovery. Start walking backwards again.
115. While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When yourroommatewalks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.
116. Explain to your roommate that you're going to be housing a prospectivestudent in thenear future. One day, bring in a pig. If your roommate protests, hug the pigand tell yourroommate that he/she hurt its feelings. Watch T.V with the pig, eating lot sof bacon.
117. Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore thesandwich.Wait untilyour roommate gets rid of it, and then say, "Hey, where is my sandwich!?"Complainloudly that you are hungry.
118. Punch a hole in the T.V. Sit and watch it anyway, complaining about thepoor picturequality.
119. Wear a cape. Stand in front of an open window for about an hour everyday. Then, oneday, when your roommate is gone, go outside and lie down underneath thewindow,pretending to be hurt, and wait for your roommate to return. The next day,start stand ingin front of the window again.
120. Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name oneafter yourroommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days,and thenbake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, "He justdidn't belong."
121. Fill an empty shaving cream can with whipped cream. Use it to shave,and then spraysome into your mouth. Later on, complain that you feel sick. Continue thisprocess forseveral weeks.
122. Cover your bed with a tent. Live inside it for a week. If your roommateasks, explainthat "It's a jungle out there." Get your roommate to bring you food andwater.
123. Keep a vacuum cleaner in the middle of the room. Look at it with fearfor a few days.Then stay out of the room entirely, opening the door only a crack andwhispering to yourroommate, "Psst!Is it gone?"
124. Break the window with a rock. If your roommate protests, explain thatyou were hot.Open and close the broken window as you normally would.
125. Throw darts at a bare wall. All of a sudden, act excited, telling yourroommate thatyou hit the bullseye.
126. Send flowers to your roommate, with a card that says, "I'm sorry. Itwon't happenagain." When you see them, start ripping up the flowers. Repeat the processfor a fewweeks.
127. Call your roommate "Clyde" by accident. Start doing so every so often.Increase thefrequency over the next few weeks, until you are calling him "Clyde" all thetime. If yourroommate protests, say, "I'm sorry. I won't do that anymore, Murray."
128. Hire a night watchman to guard the room while you are sleeping.
129. Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he knowshow muchan elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room withconcern.
130. Practice needlepoint every night. At one point, grab your thumb andscream,"Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" Cry hysterically for a few minutes, and then go tobed.Sob and sniff all night.
131. When your roommate comes in, pretend that you are on the phone,screaming angrilyand shouting obscenities. After you hang up, say, "That was your mom. Shesaid she'd callback."
132. Every time your roommate comes in, immediately turn off the lights andgo to bed.When he/she leaves, get up and loudly yell, "Okay, guys, you can come outnow."
133. Start wearing a crown, all the time. If your roommate tells you to takeit off, say,"What do you think you are? A king?"
134. Sit in front of a chess board for hours, saying nothing, doing nothing.Then, look upand say, "I think this game goes a lot faster with two players."
135. Talk back to your "Rice Krispies." All of a sudden, act offended, throwthe bowl onthe floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want towatch them suffer."
136. Change the locks on the door. Don't let your roommate in unless he/shesays thesecret word. Change the secret word often. If your roommate can't guess thesecret word,make him/her pay a tithe.
137. Scatter stuffed animals around the room. Put party hats on them. Playloud music.When your roommate walks in, turn off the music, take off the party hats,put away thestuffed animals, and say, "Well, it was fun while it lasted."
138. Hang a tire swing from the ceiling. Act like a monkey. If someonebesides yourroommate comes in, cease acting like a monkey and claim that the tire swingwas yourroommate's idea. When you and your roommate are alone again, continue actinglike amon key.
139. Unplug everything in the room except for one toaster. Pray to thetoaster. Bring itgifts. Throw some of your roommate's possessions out the window. Say thatthe toastermade you do it.
140. Challenge your roommate to a duel. If he/she refuses, claim that youhave won byforfeit and therefore conquered his/her side of the room. Insist that he/sheremove all ofhis/her possessions immediately.
141. Sign your roommate up for various activities (Campus tour guide, blooddonor, organdonor).
142. Start dressing like an Indian. If your roommate inquires, claim thatyou are getting intouch with your Native-American roots. If your roommate accuses you of nothaving anyNative-American roots, claim that he/she has offended your people and put ac urse onyour roommate.
143. Wear your shoes on the wrong feet, all the time. Constantly complainthat your feethurt.
144. Hit your roommate on the head with a brick. Claim that you were tryingto kill amosquito.
145. Steal something valuable of your roommate's. If he/she asks about it,tell him/her thatyou traded it for some magic beans. Give some beans to your roommate.
146. Instead of turning off the light switch, smash the light bulb with ahammer. Put a newbulb in the next day. Complain often about the cost of light bulbs.
147. Videotape yourself hammering a nail into a wall for a while, and thenstopping. Playthe tape in your room. Right before the hammering stops on the videotape,look at thescreen and say, "Don't do that."
148. Buy a lamp. Tell your roommate it's a magic lamp, with a genie insideit. Spend aweek thinking about what to wish for. At the end of the week, report thatsomeone hasreleased the genie from the lamp. Blame your roommate.
149. Whenever your roommate brushes his/her teeth, watch him/her do so. Takenotes.Write a paper on it, and circulate it around campus. If your roommateprotests, say, "Thepeople have a right to know!"
150. Collect potato chips that you think look like famous people. Find onethat looks likeyour roommate. Burn it, and explain, "It had to be done."
151. Read the phone book out loud and excitedly ("Frank Johnson! Oh, wow!837-9494!Holy cow!")
152. Shadow box several times a day. One day, walk in looking depressed. Ifyourroommate asks what's wrong, explain that your shadow can't box with youanymore due toan injury. Ask your roommate if you can box with his/her shadow.
153. When you walk into the room, look at your roommate in disgust and yell,"Oh, you'rehere!" Walk away yelling and cursing.
154. Put up flyers around the building, reporting that your roommate ismissing. Offer areward for his/her safe return.
155. Buy a watermelon. Draw a face on it and give it a name. Ask yourroommate if thewatermelon can sleep in his/her bed. If your roommate says no, drop thewatermelon outthe window. Make it look like a suicide. Say nasty things about yourroommate at th efuneral.
156. Draw a chalk outline on the floor. When your roommate comes in, say,"Don't worry.It's not what you think." If he/she asks about it again, immediately changethe subject.
157. Drink a cup of coffee every morning. When you finish it, gnaw on themug for aboutten minutes. Then, look at your roommate, immediately put the mug away, andquicklyleave the room.
158. Paint a tunnel on the wall like they do in cartoons. Every day, hityour head as youattempt to crawl through it. Hold your head and grumble, "Stupid roadrunner...."
159. Leave memos on your roommate's bed that say things like, "I know whatyou did,"and "Don't think you can fool me." Sign them in blood.
160. Hold a raffle, offering your roommate as first prize. If he/sheprotests, tell him/herthat it's all for charity.
161. Make cue cards for your roommate. Get them out whenever you'd like tohave aconversation.
162. Talk like a pirate, all the time. Threaten to make your roommate walkthe plank ifhe/she doesn't swab the deck. Arrrrrrrrr!
163. Set up about twenty plants in an organized formation. When yourroommate walks in,pretend to be in the middle of delivering a speech to the plants. Whisper tothem, "We'llcontinue this later," while eyeing your roommate suspiciously.
164. Buy a telescope. Sit on your bed and look across the room at yourroommate throughthe telescope. When you're not using the telescope, act like your roommateis too far awayfor you to see.
165. Keep some worms in a shoebox. When doing homework, go and consult withtheworms every so often. Then become angry, shouting at the worms that they'restupid andthey don't know what they're talking about.
166. Watch "Psycho" every day for a month. Then act excited every time yourroommategoes to take a shower.
167. Wear a paper hat. Every time your roommate walks in, say, "Welcome toMcDonalds, can I take your...Oh, it's just you." Take off the hat, sit, andpout.
168. Go through your roommate's textbooks with a red pen, changing thingsand makingrandom corrections. If your roommate protests, tell him/her that you justcouldn't take itanymore.
169. Leave the room at random, knock on the door, and wait for your roommateto let youback in. If he/she asks about it, go on a tangent about the importance ofgood manners.
170. Hang a horseshoe above the door. Make up stories about having had goodluck.Then, take the horseshoe down and wrap your head in bandages. When you seeyourroommate, look above the door where the horseshoe used to be, hold yourhead, andmutter, "Stu pid horseshoe...."
171. Carve a jack-o-lantern. Complain to your roommate that thejack-o-lantern has beenstaring at you. The next day, tell your roommate that the jack-o-lanternthinks he/she hasbeen staring at it. Confide in your roommate that you really don't like thej ack-o-lantern,but you can't convince it to move out.
172. As soon as your roommate turns the light off at night, begin singingfamous operas asloud as you can. When your roommate turns on the light, look around andpretend to beconfused.
173. Hang a basketball net on the wall. Challenge your refrigerator tobasketball games,and play them in front of your roommate. Do so for about a month. Confide inyourroommate that you think the refrigerator has been taking steroids.
174. Drink lots of lemonade. Talk obnoxiously for hours about how much youlovelemonade. Then, one day, paint your face yellow. From then on, complainabout how muchyou hate lemonade.
175. Late at night, start conversations that begin with, "Remember the goodold days,when we used to..." and make up stories involving you and your roommate.
176. Whenever your roommate sneezes, go and hide in the closet for about anhour. Lookaround nervously for the rest of the day.
177. Sit and stare at your roommate for hours. Bring others in to join you.Eat peanuts,throwing a few at your roommate. Then say, "Boy, these zoos just aren't whatthey used tobe."
178. Tell your roommate that your toe hurts, and that means there's going tobe anearthquake soon. While your roommate is out, trash everything on his/herside of theroom. When he/she returns, explain that the earthquake hit, but only on oneside of theroom.
179. Buy a gun. Clean it every day. One day, put a band-aid on yourforehead, and refuseto discuss the gun ever again.
180. Buy a lobster. Pretend to play cards with it. Complain to your roommatethat thelobster is making up his own rules.
181. Make pancakes every morning, but don't eat them. Draw faces on them,and tossthem in the closet. Watch them for several hours each day. Complain to yourroommatethat your "pancake farm" isn't evolving into a self-sufficient community.Confide in you rroommate that you think the king of the pancakes has been taking bribes.
182. While you are ironing, pretend to burn yourself. Start a garbage canfire in the middleof the room. Toss the iron inside. If your roommate objects, explain thatyou are just tryingto get even.
183. Buy some turtles. Paint numbers on their backs. Race them down thehall.
184. Create an army of animal crackers. Put them through basic training. Setup littlecheckpoints around the room. Tell your roommate that the camel spottedhim/her in arestricted area and said not to do it again. Ask your roommate to apologizeto the ca mel.
185. Put out a plate of cookies at night. Tell your roommate that they'refor the Sandman.Take a bite out of one of the cookies while your roommate is asleep. Thenext morning,accuse your roommate of having bitten one of the cookies. If he/she tries tot ell you theSandman did it, insist that you know what the Sandman's teeth marks looklike and thatthose are, in fact, not the Sandman's teeth marks. Grumble angrily and stormout of theroom.
186. Steal a tire from a fraternity lawn. Bring it to your room. Bathe it.Name it. Sleep in it.
187. Leave your room and lock the door. Proceed to bang on the door,screaming, "Let mein." Get mad at your roommate for locking you out.
188. Talk on the phone a lot. Don't pick up the receiver.
189. Talk to your roommate but don't let any sound come out. Get mad athim/her for notlistening to you.
190. Ask your roommate if Bob, your invisible friend, can stay the night.
191. Ask your roommate if s/he can turn down the music. Explain that Bob hasa headache.
192. Start a brothel.
193. Constantly slip and fall -- on your carpet.
194. Invite the Dean to sleep over.
195. Invite the school President to sleepover.
196. Invite your roommate to sleepover.
197. Let your alarm clock go off and refuse to turn it off. If your roommatecomments,pretend not to hear anything.
198. Walk into walls.
199. Leave little notes in the shower for him/her.
200. Every time you take a shower, yell audibly, "I'm melting, I'm melting!"
201. When your roommate has friends over, get under your covers and stare atthemthrough a little hole in the covers. Use a telescope.
202. When you leave the room, put on a screensaver that says, "I'm watchingyou."
203. Make a care package for your roommate. Leave the room and ride back andforthoutside your window saying, "Speedy Delivery!" until s/he comes out.
204. Move very stiffly and grin. Tell your roommate that you've turned intoGumby.
205. Study computer science and listen to techno while talking about robotstaking overthe world.
206. Sleep with a banana (or lemon) and refuse to throw it out even after itrottens.
207. Wear a silly hat.
208. Tell him/her that you're committing suicide, and let him/her find somedynamite underyour bed.
209. Leave lots of pills in your drawer, and walk around like a zombie.
210. Move your bed around the room once a day, and leave it in a newposition everynight.
211. Lock your door every time you go through it. Tell him/her that you'reafraid of aliens.
212. Eat raw pasta for dinner.
213. Put bricks in the middle of the room, and explain to him/her that youintend to make afireplace to save electricity.
214. Write letters to yourself from famous people. Mail them to yourself.